Thursday, 15 April 2010

The Sighburger

Not all food bloggers comply with this: what’s-hot-and-coz-I-wanna-be-in-the-fraternity-like. Some are more mettlesome and they go out and stir the poo and end up inverting the polarity of what’s supposedly food fit only for foodies. Well, if you’re an awkward person then I’m your kindred bro.

The plethora of burger reviews is getting too predictable and saturated. True I was on the bandwagon with my reviews of Goodman, Byron et al, but I’m getting bored, so much so I decided to post this. I wanted to name this semi-notable burger Ermintrude or Friesian, but I settled instead for the Sighburger.

A trip to your local kebab or southern fried chicken shop often hints that because you were well plastered after several pints of hop nectar you’ve been given carte blanche to eat whatever that has been deemed a sacrilegious eugh by sober folks. But, all hands on heart, the doner kebabs or battered wings (eerily each one of them the size of a drumstick from a normal freeranger), you know and I know that they were just about delicious…oh I mean okish. And besides the only symptom you’ll rewarded with is the guilt you ate and enjoyed it the night before…but you still live.

These places (seek out Kilburn, Finsbury Park, Clapton, etc) are also home to the Sighburger. No matter where you go just to seek it, it’ll be consistently the same. The burger patties probably came from the same cash-and-carry or the solitary meatpacker who harnesses the monopoly to supply them. This dairy herd burger fulfils the stomachs and the love of the good but common people.

The colour red has somehow gone amiss from this shot, but I could’ve used Photoshop and added more saturated red hue to it (the paler ones below are chicken); that would be utterly misleading and contravening. Instead the lacklustre looking patties are a good sign that the Sighburger is sold here.

This kind of burger can only be cooked one way- beyond well done.

There you have it, unethical food packed in an equally unethical polystyrene clamshell, how totally complete and appropriate. Service with a smile, he was a gracious dude.

The ½ pounder at £4.80 with Kraft-like cheese and salad that usually accompanies the usual kebab wrap plus loads of fake Heinz ketchup. Why and how does it tastes so vaguely reassuring, well because bone marrow is already included by default and not to mention the spinal cord, sinew, pluck, etc. A gorgeous looking burger that preserves the paste-like meat consistency, not ground or minced but purposeful. Yum, yum…hic…yum. hic…

This post is in response to this. So he might as well add this to his list of burger sighs. Yawn.


NB I was quite sober when I had the burger but not so when I wrote the post.


Like all fast food joints, receipts are hard to come to by….


Express Kebab
24 Notting Hill Gate
Notting Hill
London

7 comments:

Joshua said...

My favourite London burger restaurant blog post so far.

One can only read so many (one, maybe two, in my case) blog posts about the current in place before wanting something new.

bellaphon said...

Joshua- I'm chuffed and thank you...bloody burger reviews...

Anonymous said...

Brilliant.
maybe when the fucking meatwagon rolls out every day of the week it can be judged along with everyone else.
until then it is just another member of the food porn, wank yourself off, get your camera out and get free shit, food movement of london.
the hardest thing about this industry is doing it twice a day for the best part of 360 days of the year so being told that some tosser that turns out a couple of times a week is the business is bullshit.
be there on a monday night in the rain in november and you earn my respect. otherwise fuck off and have a bbq on a sunday.

bellaphon said...

Anon- I've more or less stalled with the blogging because of what has happened with the food bloggoshpere...the cliqueyness and the need to compete on who gets the most luvvie views are the cause for it. Your comments comply with my findings. Thank you.

Ibzo said...

Hi there,

We haven't spoken before, have we? My name is Ibrahim, I write the food blog you linked to (and this post was, as you claim, directed at) at the bottom of your post. I realise you wrote this in April but I'm afraid I've only just seen it. I suppose I should have realised that the mighty Bellaphon had linked to my moribund weblog, considering my hits jumped to the dizzying heights of 20 for that month; I didn't quite put 2 and 0 together, as it were.

You seem to believe that I'm concerned with what's "in" at the moment. I'm not sure about that. A lot of my posts are on places that others haven't written about, or that I've discovered in my area (Wembley) and fancied sharing with my friends. You see, I don't write my blog to be a part of some sort of 'hype machine'. I started it to share my photos and thoughts on restaurants with my friends. That others are reading it is pleasing. That some have problems with what I write is a given: not everybody is going to agree or even like my words. From what I can tell, you have a problem with me using the word 'sigh' regarding your two favourite burgers (?), whilst explaining how I believe that the Meatwagon's burger is better? Imagine if I said it in seriousness. Just imagine! The ridiculousness of the was overstated for effect. I'm sorry that it didn't come across like that. As it stands, I think the Goodman and Hawksmoor burgers are both fantastic and I'd happily eat either one of them.

I'd quite like to know who it was who forced you to read my blog? The option to not read it is absolutely there for you. I insist you take it. From what I can tell, you wrote a blog post about someone you've never met or spoken to (who is also half your age). It tells me enough about you. I suppose I should be flattered…

Have a good day now.

bellaphon said...

Master Smug/half your age/camel coat Daley,

''Your response was measured and fair.'' (quoteunquote)…zzzzzzzzzzzzsigh.

My blog does not belong to the gushing category, it’s here to stir emotions and you responded!

Katherine Dimacale said...

This blog makes me hungry I will buy burger like that later. YOu might want to check this one out http://goo.gl/ViX48y